Archive for the ‘Sports’ Category

BCS DECLARES GERMANY WINNER OF WORLD WAR II

Tuesday, December 9th, 2008

This email has been going around lately. It’s pretty funny. Unless you’re a Longhorns fan.

BCS DECLARES GERMANY WINNER OF WORLD WAR II
US Ranked 4th

After determining the Big-12 championship game participants the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World War II.

“Germany put together an incredible number of victories beginning with the annexation of Austria and the Sudetenland and continuing on into conference play with defeats of Poland, France, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium and the Netherlands. Their only losses came against the US and Russia; however considering their entire body of work–including an incredibly tough Strength of Schedule–our computers deemed them worthy of the #1 ranking.”

Questioned about the #4 ranking of the United States the BCS commissioner stated “The US only had two major victories–Japan and Germany. The computer models, unlike humans, aren’t influenced by head-to-head contests–they consider each contest to be only a single, equally-weighted event.”

German Chancellor Adolph Hiter said “Yes, we lost to the US; but we defeated #2 ranked France in only 6 weeks.” Herr Hitler has been criticized for seeking dramatic victories to earn ’style points’ to enhance Germany’s rankings. Hitler protested “Our contest with Poland was in doubt until the final day and the conditions in Norway were incredibly challenging and demanded the application of additional forces.”

The French ranking has also come under scrutiny. The BCS commented ” France had a single loss against Germany and following a preseason #1 ranking they only fell to #2.”

Japan was ranked #3 with victories including Manchuria, Borneo and the Philippines.

Praying through the Psalms

Friday, October 3rd, 2008

I don’t have a very high opinion of the Missouri Tigers football program. There are programs that I root against but always respect, and then there’s Missouri. I think they are a classless program with no history, no tradition, and no sense of how the game should be played. They don’t belong at the grownups table, no matter how highly they are ranked. I expressed some of these thoughts about Missouri in an email among friends yesterday, and was admonished (jokingly) that perhaps I should pray for my enemies.

So, with that in mind, this morning I prayed through Psalm 58:6 for the Mizzou football team (substituting Tigers where it says lions):

O God, break the teeth in their mouths;
tear out the fangs of the young lions, O LORD!
- Psalm 58:6

I also prayed for their coach, Gary Pinkel:

May his children be fatherless
and his wife a widow!
- Psalm 109:9

Do you think I over did it?

Dear France,

Monday, August 11th, 2008

You should have known better. Americans don’t respond well to taunting, especially from a guy named Alain. As it turns out, it was the Americans who did the smashing, both of the world record and your inflated French egos.

I can’t tell you how much fun it was watching Jason Lezak chase down your arrogant anchorman, 7 years his junior, and touch the wall ahead of him. To quote Ricky Bobby, another American who raced against an over-hyped Frenchman, “If you’re not first, you’re last.” Let that be a lesson to you.

Sincerely,
The U.S. of A.

Image is everything

Thursday, November 29th, 2007

I’m not sure that even one of these could have made this season look any better.

Gloria

Sunday, November 25th, 2007

Heard echoing throughout the state of Nebraska on Saturday:

Glo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ria… in excelsis T.O.

TO needs your vote

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007

ESPN-U is holding a vote for the “Greatest College Football Coach of All Time” and, as you might expect, Dr. Tom is on the list of candidates. As of my vote a minute ago, Coach Osborne has 53% of the vote, with Bear Bryant in second with 33%. It’s worth noting that Barry Switzer has 2% of the vote at this time.

Head on over and cast your vote for Tom Osborne, the Greatest College Football Coach of All Time. Voting Ends 12/01/07.

Oh, it’s also worth noting that Bill Callahan’s name isn’t on the list either…

Welcome back

Tuesday, October 16th, 2007

Holy cow, this is good news:

Osborne named interim athletic director

The Huskers post

Monday, October 15th, 2007

It was great to see Tom Osborne lead the 1997 team out onto the field in a sort of modified tunnel walk. We were in row 53 in the north endzone, so they came out just to our right. What a strange mixture of “wow, this is awesome” and “holy cow, why can’t that guy still lead this program.

Having TO and the ‘97 guys there was exactly what Callahan needed. Something to give his Lazarus-like team its own personal resurrection. When the 2007 Huskers met up with the 1997 Huskers on the sideline, several old players tackled, shoved, headbutted, and otherwise assaulted current players. If a flying headbutt from a helmetless Jason Peter isn’t enough to get you to play your best, you probably don’t have a soul.

Having TO and the ‘97 guys there was exactly what Callahan didn’t need. What a glaring contrast between the pathetic, lifeless play from the current team and the fiery, passionate athletes on that championship team. I get it that not every team is going to be capable of winning a national championship every year, but do you remember what those mid-nineties defenses were like? If not, here’s a small reminder. Guys flying to the ball. Five and six guys around the ball on every play. Big hits. Fist pumping and chest beating after *real* big plays. When was the last time anyone on either side of the ball made a big play this season? The last thing ol’ Billy C. needs right now is a reminder of how things used to be.

Speaking of how things used to be, can you imagine what it was like for those ‘97 guys to watch the first half of the OSU game? The best way I can put it is like this. Imagine you’ve been hired on as the caretaker for the state capitol. It is, by far, the most recognizable building in the state. It is grand and glorious, and it has been there for a long time. You spend blood, sweat, and tears working on it, restoring it, maintaining it, so that it can continue to be respected as the landmark that it is. Nebraskans throughout the state couldn’t be more proud of the condition of the building. After four years of pouring everything you have into making it the best that it can be, you leave for ten years. When you return, all you find is a smoldering heap of ashes. You ask somebody what happened. They tell you that everything you worked on, built, and fixed while you were here had been torn out so they could install a meth lab… something about not wanting it to be a mediocre building, wave of the future, and so on. Now the meth lab has exploded and burned down the entire structure. Nothing is left. It has all been destroyed by the “high octane” experiment that was supposed to save it.

That is, as best as I can tell, what those guys must be feeling like.

There were kids there on Saturday who were watching their first live Husker game. I hope their dads had a long, serious talk with them on the way home explaining what their kids had seen.

Don’t tell me that it’s “only football.” It’s tradition. It’s history. It’s having pride in something that took a long time and a lot of hard work to build. It’s still being proud to be a Husker fan even when you feel betrayed by the people entrusted with leading *your* team.

Don’t miss this point. Nebraska football hasn’t always been about winning. “Not the victory but the action. Not the goal but the game. In the deed the glory.” That’s written somewhere on that old stadium, probably underneath one of the new skyboxes.

Husker football has always been about character, loyalty, hard work, and trust. Pursuing these virtues in the game of football will lead to success, as it should. But, it’s never been *just* about winning. That is, until Pederson came in and told us that it was going to be about winning:”(By the way, I still don’t disagree with the decision to fire Solich. That was the right move. However, the timing and the handling of the aftermath were handled poorly, at best. In an attempt to let Pederson off the hook, people will remind you that Callahan wasn’t Pederson’s first, second, or even third choice. Fine, but why would an AD put his program in a position where it has to settle for its fourth choice after a 9-3 season? Solich was bad, and getting worse, but we easily had one more year before something had to be done. Instead, we found ourselves in desperate territory trying to find someone willing to take over the program. Enter a former NFL guy who had just been fired!)”: Pederson said, “Trust me. I know what I’m doing. We *have to* tear down everything in order to be able to win again. I know it’s going to be hard to see the tradition, the continuity, the history all left behind. Just trust me… it’ll all be worth it.” Until now there have been two factions; one who believes that it wasn’t worth it, no matter how many games we’d eventually win, and another who bought it, said they’d play along, and anxiously waited for the victories and championships to roll in.

Pederson and Callahan have finally reunified Husker football fans, but probably not in the way that they wanted to. Nobody trusts the leadership of this program. You guys told us it was going to be about winning. If that’s the game you want to play, I’d recommend polishing up the ol’ resume.

When you bring in a pro-style coach who installs a pro-style offense so that kids who want to go to the pros will come to your school, what do you end up with? Some sort of weird, pseudo-symbiotic deal where the coaches are using the players to get them victories so they can keep their jobs and players are using coaches so they can end up in the NFL. Who do you play for? I play for myself so that hopefully I can get into the NFL and make some real money. Who do you coach for? I coach for myself so that hopefully I can win enough to keep the big paychecks coming.

Kids never walked on at Nebraska so that they might eventually get a high draft slot and big paycheck. They played for Nebraska for the glory of playing for Nebraska. Sure, bunches of them ended up in the NFL because they were that good, but it wasn’t as if Nebraska was just a stepping stone for them on the way to where they really wanted to be.

What we have now more closely resembles a prostitution ring where our players are willing to sell themselves to the program in exchange for a scholarship and a shot at The League. We put 11 individuals on the field who have no common goals, no common purpose. Nobody plays “for Nebraska” anymore. Nobody.

When you’re at the games, no matter how bad it gets you only have two options. 1. Cheer for your team no matter how poorly they are playing. It couldn’t hurt. 2. Shut up. Nobody needs to hear your profanity-laced exclamations about who should be fired and how soon. And, for the love of all that is good, don’t boo your own team. That’s just not acceptable.

I don’t know how much more proof a guy needs to see before he realizes that what we have here is inherently broken and beyond repair. If Mizzou wasn’t enough, OSU definitely was. I’m not convinced that we can clean house from the AD on down, especially after the extensions that Steve and Bill gave themselves earlier this year. Something needs to be done to appease the fans, whether that’s firing Cosgrove (today?), firing nearly all of the assistants, or whatever it is. I’d like to see the whole thing rebuilt from the AD on down, but I’m not sure how realistic that is. Still, if we languish through the next five games like we have the last five, it will be absolutely unbearable.

Down to the wire

Saturday, September 1st, 2007

We’re only two hours out from kickoff, and I still haven’t got my pick up yet. I guess I’m a little rusty after the long off season.

Nevada:17
Nebraska: 27

Sam Keller for Heisman

Thursday, August 30th, 2007

He won’t win it, but he will be one of the finalists invited to New York to see Darren McFadden, the running back from Arkansas, receive the trophy.

At least, that’s how it will play out according to EA Sports’ NCAA 2008 video game. According to a simulated season on the game, Sam Keller’s Heisman run will be part of a season in which Nebraska gets beat 34-17 by LSU in the National Championship game. Before you dismiss these bold predictions, you might consider that the game predicted TCU’s upset of Oklahoma (in Norman, no less) in 2006, Boise State’s BCS Bowl appearance in 2007, and Florida State and Miami both finishing the ‘07 season outside of the Top 25.

You can read the rest of the results here.